Hey, everyone,

I know it's been the longest time since I last wrote. Yes, yes, I know, trust me. But... as a normal human being, I admit I haven't been in the easiest of places in my life lately. It has been extremely difficult to really get myself through a lot of my thoughts and feelings. I haven't had any tragic things happen, I haven't broken up or gotten with anyone, I haven't really had anything out of place, more so, my emotions haven't been too good lately.

One of the topics I've always wanted to discuss has been body image.

Image Credits to rightful owner.

As an 18 year old woman living in the 21st century, I can assure you I've felt extreme doubt in myself due to my body image and the perception of beauty I've had placed in my head since I was a kid. Almost every girl I've known in my life has had a moment of speaking directly to me or to my friends about body image and how they feel about themselves and their bodies. I've always felt sick as to why beautiful girls and handsome men have felt the need to be so harsh on how they look, but then again, I thought of myself and remembered I too have had the same issues.

I've always been an overeater. Sadly, I've never really known control over my nutrition. Since I can remember, I've been on diets, telling myself I was too big in comparison to everyone else. As a 13 year old girl I would struggle with myself for being 125lbs, constantly telling myself that I could be skinnier, that I could look better, that all my friends were skinny and I wasn't. All my life, I've been on yoyo diets, working out, but never truly felt good about myself. I'm a 5'7 girl, and since I can remember everyone has always told me, ''you're thick boned'' or ''you're just like that because of genetics''. Both are myths. I've always known. My mom's been in the fitness world all her life and my knowledge in nutrition and fitness are way too much, hence why I'm so harsh on myself.

I am not a skinny girl. I don't think I have ever been. I have rolls, when I sit down and even when I stand. I am in a constant struggle over how I look, and I swear to God, I rarely cry, but when I do it is 99.9% about my weight and look. Today I realized just how sick I am of feeling this way, of looking at myself and hating what I see. I realized I can never fit anyone's idea of beautiful. I am sick and tired of hearing people tell me that ''I'd look better if I was skinnier'' and ''I am beautiful but only imagine if I got thinner''. I am so sick of girls being told that skinny is the only way they look good.

Yes, I want to lose weight. A ton. And yes, I probably will eventually. But does this mean I don't love my body as it is now? No. I love my body. I've grown into this body for a reason. I will not let anyone but myself tell me how I must look and what I must change. And I encourage my followers and young girls who read this to really learn to love yourselves for how you are and not for how people want you to be. There's nothing more beautiful than the way you are every day you spend, and things will get better as soon as you start to really put some loving to how you are.

Please be happy with your little stretch marks and cellulite and wrinkles and folds. Love how you look and don't compare your beauty to any other woman's. Appreciate your own canvas and love the stories on it. Encourage everyone around you to love who they are. Be positive, be happy. Don't put yourself through torture just to fit an imagine that's been twisted through time. Please yourself and no one else.

I promise all my followers that I will soon post more, I know I've been inactive but I've had a lot going on.

I love you all,
P
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